


i lie awake and try to recall how your body felt beside me

by timeladyleo



Series: the knapp-shappey-shipwrights have a horrible christmas! [4]
Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: F/M, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:02:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27914959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeladyleo/pseuds/timeladyleo
Summary: If she had known that he was going to be here, she’d have diverted the plane at once because the very last thing her heart needed was to see Hercules Shipwright holding hands with some young blonde thing.
Relationships: Carolyn Knapp-Shappey/Herc Shipwright
Series: the knapp-shappey-shipwrights have a horrible christmas! [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2039773
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	i lie awake and try to recall how your body felt beside me

**Author's Note:**

> another idea that's been rattling around my head for a number of years. another au of zurich where hercolyn break up when herc goes to zurich.
> 
> song is 'wintersong' by sarah mclachlan.

It wasn’t spying if it was in public, was it? Spying implied the covert, watching people in their private sphere, stalking them to where they lived to find out what they were doing, what they were saying. How they were. Watching someone when he was in public, and you were also in public – if hidden behind a convenient potted plant – couldn’t possibly count as spying. 

Involved observing, perhaps. It wasn’t like she was taking notes. 

In fact, she could move on any time she liked. She didn’t have to sit and watch them at all. They just happened to be in her line of sight, that was all. In fact, if she had known that he was going to be here, she’d have diverted the plane at once because the very last thing her heart needed was to see Hercules Shipwright holding hands with some young blonde thing. 

She had no right to clench her fists at the sight, but the lump in her throat and pounding heartbeat in her head betrayed the lie to herself that she didn’t care. Objectively, if she was being sensible, she shouldn’t have been surprised. She shouldn’t have been affected at all. 

He’d made his decision ( _she_ had made his decision), and he had gone and taken all his things and left her, stopped calling, stopped texting (she’d stopped replying), he’d put a whole sea between them and kept on the move, avoiding her (deliberately flying to the opposite side of the world just because he had texted, asking if she might want to meet, to talk). He had gone, and she’d let him, and why couldn’t she just accept it?

That was his smarmy joke face, the smug grin, raised eyebrow, creases in his eyes that said _I think I’m so funny_. The blonde laughed accordingly, white teeth. Blue eyes. She clung onto his arm like a panda – no, not a bear, like a leech, her perfect hair glued to her head with cans of hairspray, no doubt. Perfect nails glued to her hands. Carolyn had always suspected that Herc had a type. The blonde leaned into him, clutching at his arm, tilting her chin up to whisper into his ear, to say…?

It didn’t bear thinking about. Probably something vapid and dirty, judging by how she was giggling – actually giggling! How old was she? Carolyn had flown with enough women like that before, hated every single one, hated how they treated being blonde and beautiful like it was a replacement for a personality. How they thrived off attention from the pilots. He’d get sick of her soon enough. It seemed like he always did. 

The blonde turned to face him proper, now, her wide blue eyes staring up at him, smiling. Carolyn felt like she was going to be sick. She’d been saying it for the longest time, public displays of romance should have been illegal. Disgusting. 

Then the blonde giggled again, staring into his eyes, her hands on his chest, gripping his lapels to propel herself up onto tiptoes to kiss him square on the lips, his own hands on her back, pulling her closer, unresisting her advances. 

Carolyn couldn’t look away.

The time seemed to stretch, elastic and taunting, the vision of it making Carolyn’s blood run cold, rushing through her head until all she could hear was her own heartbeat, the crowds blurring like in some horrid film where all that was in focus was Herc and the blonde, Herc kissing the blonde, Herc’s hands on the blonde, Herc– 

“Mum?”

“Arthur!” Carolyn jumped, whipping round to see Arthur brandishing two polystyrene cups. He jumped at her reaction, startled to have startled her. 

“Here’s your coffee. Are you okay?” 

“Yes, sorry. In another world, that’s all.” Arthur smiled, encouraging, placing the cup down in front of her. She didn’t move, just in case he noticed her shaking hands. 

“You look really pale, are you sure you’re okay? Have you seen a ghost?” Arthur’s eyes went wide as he diverted down his own imaginary trail. She only wished he hadn’t been right, for a change. 

“I’m feeling a little sick, but I’m fine,” she said, hoping he wouldn’t question her further. 

His face turned to concern, and he wandered over to the bags on a mission. “I’m pretty sure we have some indigestion tablets in here somewhere, let me – oh look, mum! It’s Herc! Hi Herc!” 

Carolyn clenched her fists again. That had been the worst possible he could have said. She looked back into the crowd – the blonde had gone, and he was coming over, waving at Arthur who was beaming. She had to do something, move, somehow, but she was frozen to the spot, mind and heart racing. Denial. It was the only course of action possible. She had seen nothing, she knew nothing. 

Cool and detached. She could do that. 

She rose to her feet slowly, ignoring how Herc smiled at her. Warm. Familiar. 

“Arthur, Carolyn, what are you doing here?” he asked as he approached. 

“We’re going to LA! Except we’ve been delayed for hours and hours because of that grounded plane. Are you delayed too?” 

Herc nodded. “We’ve been here for hours too. Should be moving along soon, though. How have you been?”

Arthur said something. Carolyn couldn’t hear it, not over the way Herc was looking at her. What emotion was that on his face? Regret? Disgust? She’d never wanted to know what someone was thinking so badly in her life, never been so glad for Arthur’s power to ramble. It meant she didn’t have to say anything. 

Perhaps she’d have rather had to say something to him than have the blonde come scampering up behind him, looping her arm through his. Carolyn stiffened, looking the blonde up and down, trying to stop her mouth from forming a disapproving line. 

The blonde smiled slyly at them, looking at Herc expectantly. His eyes flitted between her and Carolyn. “This is Aurelie, one of the finest stewardesses at Swiss Air. Aurelie, this is Carolyn and Arthur, from MJN.”

“OJS,” snapped Carolyn without thinking. “I rebranded.” 

Aurelie raised an eyebrow. How much had he told her about them? Carolyn couldn’t decide what was worse, that she knew everything, or nothing. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” said Arthur, beaming. “I was just telling Herc about how we’re going to LA, and we’re going to go and run on the beach because the weather’s going to be really nice.”

There was a beach, long ago, lying in the sand, laughing at windsurfers and scoffing at the idea of romance, scoffing at the idea of love. Deciding to stay anyway. 

“Oh, I see.” Aurelie’s other eyebrow scaled her sculpted face. Carolyn had seen that look thrown at Arthur a thousand times before, a look that said _shouldn’t someone be caring for this boy?_ Carolyn clenched her fists, nails digging into her palms, begging herself not to activate her own fight reflex. 

“Marcus says we have to go,” Aurelie said to Herc. “I’ll see you there?” He nodded, and she kissed him on the cheek, her eyes darting to Carolyn, her expression possessive. Wicked. Carolyn wished she could hide behind the plant again. “It was brilliant to meet you,” Aurelie said, flashing her teeth in a smile before prancing off. Carolyn tried to remember how to breathe, forcing her hands to stay still at her sides in case they decided to throttle this woman. 

Herc’s cheeks were red, his mouth quivering as he tried to decide what to say. Carolyn stared evenly at him, certain he could see the way she was desperately holding herself together. Certain he was remembering all the other times they’d held each other, too. 

Arthur looked at them both, the cogs in his head turning as he put one and two together. “I’m just going to go and see Douglas,” he said, smiling awkwardly. “See you later Herc!” He dashed off without another word. 

“Carolyn,” Herc started, but she held up a hand to cut him off. 

“I’m glad you’re happy,” she said, bitterness seeping into her tone. She’d sent him away. This was all her fault. 

“Let me explain, please?”

“Explain what? I’m not interested in making a scene, Herc. You should go.”

His mouth opened again, and shut. What more was there to say? She didn’t falter as he met her eye, wasn’t going to weaken now and look away. What would be the point? What was the point of any of this. 

“It was nice to see you,” he said lamely, at last. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

He lingered for a second, then turned and walked off into the crowd. Carolyn watched for a long time as he grew smaller, then blurred, merging with all the other people until he was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr, [sircarolyn](http://sircarolyn.tumblr.com/).


End file.
